Time for Change

Time to change:

- Car body colour?
-- Reflect my mood right now towards Wangan - how can I find my beating heart again

- My habits
-- To learn to put on make up
-- To become more like a girl
-- To dress nicely (like a girl)
-- To save money and not spend so much on food
-- To be less lazy and go to the gym
-- To be less shy with new ppl
-- To seriously start training up L4D with jiemeis
---- Decide how to train with them (prob go Kong's house to train)

CCF

Forgot to mention that I need weekly CCF with prawns.

Dunno how they made it until so nice to eat. >.< I think if I just eat that for brunch on Friday, I'll probably lose weight.


Tentative schedule for Summer
Weekly:

Monday - Job 1 or Job 2 or Slack & L4D
Tuesday - Gym + Job 2
Wednesday - Job 1 all the way
Thursday - Job 2 all the way
Friday - Job 1 morning, Job 2 afternoon/evening
Saturday - Hang out with TRD
Sunday - Hang with family & L4D


Tentatively for the time being. XD

Reminder

Have to stop playing so much Wangan and wait for my GDB-F X(

Have to start getting ready for work during the summer hols. 2 jobs pl0x.

Have to start saving moneh for:
- debts (Ren and WP)
- Razer Messenger Bag Shoulder Ed
- Phone
- Renameable GDB-F


And others will be added in once I know what I want and need..

So it ends

Another enjoyable, happy chapter has ended after 40 days. And it ended on happy terms. I'm not saying that I'm glad it's ended, but I'm saying that I had a lot of fun while it lasted. I will never forget you for loving me, and us having so much fun even though we are so far apart.

Laling, thank you for showing me that I can love =) Lalings forever, okay? =) *hugs*

Funny.

It's funny how fast I can have a change of heart.

X(

I have to see how first.

Friday.

I wonder...

...if it was possible for things to get worse.

I know you're disappointed in me. I hope I won't disappoint you further. But I invite you to consider if we ought to...

But I don't know how I'd feel w_____ y__. Coz you have made me very happy.

And I want to work as much as possible so I have enough money - don't we all?

While it seems like I'm being so relaxed and stuff, honestly, I cbf. I cbf.

Tags replied

@Bran: Ehhh..like I mentiond to the others. If you want, you can actually organise a training yourself in the WME forums. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ORGANISE ONE IN SGWMMT, simply because the pros will all come down and spoil everything, eh?

@Yuki: I believe there are some girls in HK with SSS cars already.

@Geo laling: Idk.

The only thing more painful than getting hurt is giving up on tomorrow and continuing to lie to yourself.


Who knows, maybe I'll be able to get back into Wangan today.

~

And I did. I didn't feel the urge to kill people in Wangan, but I did. And I'm glad for the tingling feeling.

BUT L4D MORE IMPORTANT X(

*shivers*

Suddenly, history rushes into my mind, and I feel scared. All over again.

Is it me, or is it just in a guy's nature to be..to be...you know.

>.<

Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel


No, I'm not emoing, just putting these words down (btw, Papa Roach's Scars) to remind myself of how painful some things can be.

L4D!!!!

Madness. Playing too much of it liao.

Hope to meet up with the guys and girls this week.

Really miss my laling lots.

Getting prezzie from him soon XD

Tags replied

@Arty: SUPA STORAIKU RARINGS! GATTAI!

@Yuki: I couldn't be more bothered right now..


~

L4D madness. At least he said I improved.

Disappointment..again

Saved up for it.

Organized it.

Looked forward to it.

In the end, they forgot about it.

I will never trust them again.

I can't believe that they wouldn't show me face. Don't care if I'm sub-team leader (of what? 2 other girls only? No offense to you girls, but..honestly)...at least show me some sort of support, you know? I mean, what, should I have named it "INTRO DINNER" or something so everyone would come to see the new members?

Lama sabachthani?

L4D Training

It begins in earnest now. Almost nightly trainings, looking for meetups every fortnight.

Rabid Kittens, eh?

watch out for us XD

And suddenly..not better.

Well, "arrogant" and "egoistical" huh.

Fair enough. I've always been like that. If you don't know me well enough, you may say those words, but I don't really care.

I don't really care anymore.

But then I was given a gift. To use this gift..*snorts* I have to NOT be myself? Funky.

486

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

''I can't''

''Why? You need to study at home?''

I felt disappointment grabbing me.

''No… I am going to meet a friend…''

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.

Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200 days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why… Then one day… Me: Um, Jin, I … Jin: What…don’t drag, just say.. Me: I love you. Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.

When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.

Then I shouted… ''Wait…''
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.''I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.''

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday..After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came? I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What….why…

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.'I'm sorry'' He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him

''Jin! Move! Move away!'' I shouted…But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.''Jin, move!''HONK~!! ''Boom!'' That sound, so terrifying. That's how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…''One…two… three…''That was how… I started to count the dolls…''Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…''It all ended with 485 dolls.I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…''I love you~, I love you~''I dropped the dolls,shocked.''I….lo..ve…you??''I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.''I love you~ I love you~''It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.''I love you~''''I love you~'' ''I love you~''Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much…

"Jo…Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…''

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….

Better again

>.< Better liao. Realised I was being stupid.

Oh and note to self: Never try to cram 4gb worth of L4D into 5 CDs and a thumbdrive.

FINE.

·¦[•(-•mª¥ª•-)•]¦· [You pretend to be strong, so the fleeting tears you show occasionally are a white flag] said:
and i am SO tempted.
·¦[•(-•mª¥ª•-)•]¦· [You pretend to be strong, so the fleeting tears you show occasionally are a white flag] said:
to block both of you till it's settled
Ö(°㉦°)Ö ARTY Ö(°㉦°)Ö said:
>.>
Ö(°㉦°)Ö ARTY Ö(°㉦°)Ö said:
well
Ö(°㉦°)Ö ARTY Ö(°㉦°)Ö said:
if you want to...
Ö(°㉦°)Ö ARTY Ö(°㉦°)Ö said:
go ahead
·¦[•(-•mª¥ª•-)•]¦· [You pretend to be strong, so the fleeting tears you show occasionally are a white flag] said:
if you say so.


Blocked him already.

And posted it on WME. But it seems like he doesn't care how I feel. Two can play at that game. I don't say that girls are vicious for no reason. While it breaks my heart to block..

...it has to be done, sometimes, to wake people's ideas up.

L4D

Christ. L4D marathon yesterday >.< Slept at 4am coz I was playing VS with Racife and Polo they all. Seriously they are good! I felt that I lost it for my team. Still don't have comprehensive map knowledge like them, so I kept getting stuck in weird places.

That's as a survivor. As an Infected, my hunter sucks. =.=''' Dunno why sometimes I keep getting diao-ed at just before I leap. Then it screws everything up. And sometimes I just cbf liao. Sigh. I need to learn their Boomer. So freaking far still can tio. Like gg man.

>.<

At least

...we're back on talking terms! =D I'm really glad we found time to talk to each other again. I think we both were just out of step XD

Anyway, I was looking at BBQ stuffs today >.<>.>

I MISS EVERYONE~~

BIRTHDAY PARTY

I'm gonna start planning now!!!

~

Today spent most of the day with Roy-kor, Ice and Ben. Waited for Ice to settle his bag stuff, had a BK brunch, then went to DBG and played some. Got a lot of stars >.< THANKS GUYS XD

Had a great time. >.< Only thing was my aura got changed back to red =( T.T

Training Restarted

Battle training group restarted. Let's have a good show today!!

@Anna-chan | Wangan @ JP

Lol.

Why don't you ask Blackie who he is? I don't think he wants me to reveal, eh, Blackie?! XDDD

Anyway, my regular readers are...from feedback and quotes off my blog..Blackie and Arty XD

So...yeah~ XD

~

Just came back from JP..battled with Flare and some random ppl that he sorta-knew. Stupid stuffs. Earned some stars, and learned a lot more about C1. >.<>.<

I MISS MY LALING SO SO SO SO MUCH.

Eye candy

He didn't seem very happy. IDK why. =/ Wish he played with us though. The versus game we played was really nice. Had many false starts but I think we pulled together after a bit. Too bad we didn't get to be Infected in the finale.


Lab test this SATURDAY lolx.

My Guy

"I know our love may be difficult but i know we're right for each other...im sure of it...nothing this guy says could make me unsure"

*melts*

Tags replied

@Anna-mei: LONG TIME NO SEEEE~ I think my bakery making the bread again. YOU WANT?! XDD

@Yuki: well. I'll never say =D Arty is supportive of me doing something, it's not Wangan related though =D

@Alert

What kinky stuff =.='''

Anyway, need a reply asap to the question I asked on your MSN...

AGAIN!....and tags replied.

C1 Inward - '52''214

I'm thinking it's the car. It's like. OH GOD. I haven't seen such little differences in a long time >.<

OH GOD. Just when I wanted to stop TA...T.T

Haven't tested my settings in battle...>.<


@Yuki: What were you thinking? =/

@Arty: LALING. HAPPY BIRTHDAY +D