When I needed you

Emo. Can't sleep. What else is there to say?

"What if next time I get sent overseas or both of us work full-time then cannot see each other as often?"

Well, you've already experimented for the answer. *bitter laugh* That was what I was trying to say just now. So why ask me the obvious again?

I know baby, it's hard for the both of us but I think we've kinda just about withstood the test of time and family and friends. So I don't know what else could bring us apart so drastically, apart from ourselves.

Let's believe in ourselves, okay?

V day 2010

It wasn't much of a celebration. I still felt a bit awkward when he asked "Do you want me to stay?"

Of course I wanted him to stay. And I said so. And in the end he stayed even though he said he wanted to go off early.

Men. So mahfan.

Note to self: Men are straightforward creatures, because they've got too-thick skulls. Must zhi-jie tell them, then they will know.

Rawr. But sometimes it's nice for them to guess, and then us girls can do our "act-surprised" act.

Stupidity and Selfishness

You stupid girl.

Why do you expect so much, when your first line of defense against heartache is "Don't expect too much"?

You stupid girl.

It's so ironic that society today teaches us to expect more of ourselves, and then here she is, trying her best to not expect so much from her relationship, so that she won't scare him away, or kill herself in the process.

You stupid girl.

And she was the one who said that "this one will be my last. If it doesn't work out, then no more. I can't take the heartache."

You stupid girl.

Why let yourself suffer so much?

You stupid girl.

Why tear and scream silently when he doesn't see or hear you?

You stupid girl.

Because I don't want to let him know how much it hurts. I'm disappointed, yes, but it's only because I expected too much from him. I can't expect too much. I can't expect too much. I can't expect too much. I can't expect too much. I can't expect too much. I can't expect too much. I can't expect too much.

Maybe after chanting that I'll remember that I can't expect too much from a relationship, or else I'll end up hurting myself and him again.

I always hurt those who love me. Maybe it's an assumption, but at least I know I always hurt those close to me.

You stupid girl.

Blinded by Love

Once, there was a blind girl. No one liked her very much. No one except her boyfriend. And she loved him back so much, she would always tell him, "I would marry you, if I had my sight."

One day, the girl got a donation of a pair of eyes. After the operation and recovery, she gained full sight and opened her eyes, only to find that her boyfriend was blind. He then asked her, "Will you marry me now?"

Now, that's all lovey-dovey because I HOPE you know that it was the boyfriend who donated his eyes to her. However, you should have read the first paragraph and known that the girl was a shallow bitch.

Here's the ending of the story:
The girl rejected him on the spot, and the guy stood there as she walked away. Heartbroken, he said softly, "Then take good care of my eyes for me."

I kinda feel like the shallow bitch in this story. But I'm glad for what's been going on around me, especially with Baby around.

Happy Valentines Day, Baby.

Funny huh, I last time never celebrate V day simply because no one celebrate with me (if got bf, bf busy, or else no bf or else all cbf..). But now when I got someone I really love and cherish..We don't know how to celebrate it.

MX15 Alienware

It's at least 1.5k T.T - That's the US price. Of course, I get to do more customization. I especially like the laser-engraving thing.

The SG price is about 1.7k. Lesser customization =/

The XPS is so much more expensive =/

No Expressions

My tears don't fall
They crashed around me.
Steadily they poured
2 hours through the night

I can only remember that fateful night, and I realise no matter how strong I make myself out to be, I still feel the pain as if it happened, as if it was happening over again. And I realise that I still haven't gotten over it. The pain still lingers, the rain of tears continues.

Won't you listen to what I'm really trying to say?
My tears are filling up my glasses.
No expressions, no expressions.

If I were to leave you today, would you passively accept it, berating yourself, blaming yourself? Or would you come back to me and maybe, once and for all tell me what I really want to hear?

Set the person you love free.
If he comes back to you
Then it's meant to be.

I wish you were here, but at the same time, I know that I can't be too possessive, that I must let you enjoy yourself with your friends as well. It's the latter that's killing me. I don't want to hold you back - indeed, I can't be too restrictive.

And those times when I was sick, I am grateful that you sent me home, but being the stupid, selfish girl that I am, I kept wishing so hard, so very hard that you'd stay and accompany me, even when I fall asleep - because that's what I really wanted. To fall asleep knowing that you're there. Maybe, to you, it was a waste of time, but either way, it broke my heart, because I don't want to hold you back, but I don't want to let you go too, sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing outside, behind a glass window, watching you live your life. And you know what? The funny thing is: I'm actually somewhat glad to be like a guardian angel for you, to watch over you, to protect you, to love you. Maybe I'm not supposed to love anyone forever, but I'm here on this Earth to care and love someone for an interval of time, to show him what it means to love, so that he can truly love the one that's destined to be with him.

But baby, I want you to know, that I would never forget you.

I don’t even know where it’ll end up, but I’ll send you my love and trust that it will reach you - Realize by Nami Tamaki

TRD reunion dinner

Had a great time with the TRD ppl at the yearly reunion dinner at Straits Cafe at Hotel Rendevous. Food was awesome. Baby and I stuffed ourselves =D

Hmm

Okay, so I haven't been posting a lot.

Updates!

Bar flairing = painful hands (probably aggravated my CTS butttt I felt that I could spam buttons much more easily XD

Brownie baking = fun. Except for the eggs and cheese part. A lot of people liked it. So I hope that I can get the job at CLC =D

Baby came after work yesterday and we had a nice dinner at the kebab place at Paradiz/Peace centre, then had some dessert. I really miss going out with him and stuff X) Then went to dbg to play some button-mashing game and wangan.

Upcoming events..
6th Feb - TRD reunion dinner, Wangan compy. For the dinner, I guess I'll be wearing smart casual + RHS. It'll be fun! =D Wangan compy...no idea =/

eh =/ Can't remember anything else since I don't have my organizer with me. I hope to l4d soon. Haven't played it in a month, I think.