Mood swings

I've got weird mood swings - but then again, since when were mood swings normal? I'm angry at him for saying what he said, but at the same time I feel like crying because I'm angry at him. like, wtf?

I guess I can say that it's a few things that made me unhappy:

1. Max's friends - kept asking who we are in the game, like wtf, I can understand la, friends wanna play with friends. So fuck, could have just answered my questions. Rage quit. gg.

2. What he smsed me about before we retired for the night. I don't get it - I wanna write, what's wrong with that? I know your concerns, but it's not sif I'm writing an FR on myself FOR them. Like, wtf man, I'm writing about MY experience ABOUT them. What's so wrong with that?

*takes to bashing her pillow and wall*

It hurts to feel so angry. IDK why.

Aw X)

He came down to Bugis straight after I told him that I'd seen Joey there. >.<

But then I was already near Marina Square =.=

Had good Wangan times with ABC-kun today XD

Transformers 2 was nice. A bit too long though. Made me sleepy. XD

25th June 2009

He got mad at me, and we nearly argued.

~

26th June - went to DSC. Clean bill of health. Went to nearby and had fun. Thanks baby =) Although a shadow crossed my face when he said sorry. I guess, it had been bugging me the entire day.

After that, went to Bugis to eat Bak Chor mee..saw a noob eather, but we were fungry, so we went to eat..then went to look at a nice ice cream palour - home-made ice cream ftw!! XD

Ate a bit of ice-cream, then went to DBG. Saw ABC-didi, Trison-didi, Aiyo and the MHD group. Didn't get to play Wangan but played 20SGD worth of touch-screen XDDD hahahaha..oh and played DDR with ABC. wooo..very tiring.

Went to IKEA and walked around - we were really tired, but I think we ironed out quite a lot of things. XD Ate the fake ice-cream from Glico...damn nice! =D hehehe...worth it right? X) Went home after that..yawns..

Time to settle the menu~~~

Finally..

..bought it.

Lulz.

Thursday - will be trying out the chocolate fondue with him. Need to go buy fruits!

Friday - will be going back to clinic for results with him, and then chilling. Woot~

Saturday - Transformers 2 with TRD!!

Uneventful

Went to Clementi on Sunday to make sure my L4D skills don't rust. Got a few smses but turned them down. Watched Seng and Hanee race. I like it how she drives without any thought of pride and stuff.

Maybe one day I can be like her.

I played a bit myself later. Didn't earn many stars, but overall gained a profit XD

"preached" about the wonders of TA and stuff, but I don't think he'll really do it. I'd be surprised if he did.

Now, just slacking. Wish I worked more.

mmm..

Thursday - He pei me home. We sat at my house downstairs and chatted till late. We talked about a lot regarding our past and stuffs. To be honest, I cried.

"Just cry k? Cry until you happy." And he held me close. All those memories flashing through my mind with stunning clarity...I just remembered everything suddenly. I felt so sad but grateful that he was there for me.

~

Friday - Woke up, made breakfast for him. Went our separate ways. I enjoyed myself at the fish spa =) Then went to DBG and earned quite a number of stars =XD

~

Saturday - I just came home. Eating the mussels now. He spent quite a long time with me today. Really happy. His mom called to ask where he was, worrying about him spending money. I kind of like, worry about that too =/

And crap. forgot about guitar strings again. wtf =.=

Kallang

So like, went Kallang with the intention to go ice skating, but after we saw that the place was pretty packed, we both were kind of turned off.

I went to check Wangan machines at TKA there - empty, since it was only about 2pm+ at that time. I complained (as usual) that I was hungry, so we went to KFC and ate a little. I didn't want to eat too much coz ice skating, you know. XD

End up, after eating Snackers, we saw that the rink was still too crowded, and he suggested that we could go watch a movie instead. I went to the arcade, and saw a chance to do Project 600HP = 2k stars, so I went in. After which, some guy with an Evo 8/9 named ROCKY came in and proceeded to eat us back.

So what I did was to step brakes on him right at the start so he bumped my R32's ass XDDD Then he was pissed enough to slam me back. Fair enough. I got 2nd, and changed to 'my lovable car' (cookies for those who get the joke). Then we played 1 on 1, Wangan westbound. He chose to go straight all the way, ending at CCW where after a few big turns, the path splits into C1 in and out. At the last km or so, I was kind of worried that it looked like I wouldn't win. But with some lucky aiming and a mistake on his part, I put him into a bus stop.

Since Baby had already went to get the movie tix, I was pretty desperate to play TA and retire immediately but nooooo, the kid ran over to the next set of machines and called his friends over. I was like wow...2v1 - gonna be exciting. Then when all 3 seats were occupied, I was like "wow!! 3v1!! I so scared~"

Baby came back with the popcorn that made me high =X Anyway, we played Nagoya and I got 2nd place. I was really running late for the movie le. When I ended, I told the guy next to me (he seemed the oldest anyway) "Today I let you go coz I have a movie to catch. You guys want to 3v1 me, not so easy. Want rematch come DBG find me."

Like what I told Baby, lucky for them, I wasn't wearing my TRD jacket, else I would have missed the movie (btw, we watched Blood: The Last Vampire. Plot isn't that good. I think it's overhyped) and I would have just stayed there to play.

During the movie, I was so pissed I ate the popcorn really fast and felt sick halfway through the movie. After the movie, I think I'd relaxed a little, and we were in the stairwell walking down to get out of the place (it was quite deserted anyway) when I stopped at the top of a flight of steps and really tried to relax - just in case the stairwell opened to the arcade area (in which I would have told Baby that I want to check out the Wangan machines...again). I think he knew I was really pissed off; he suddenly put his arms around me from the back and hugged me real tight. Thanks Baby for being there for me. ^.^

Then after that we walked out - lucky for us (and prolly the kids) the stairs brought us to the 2nd level, and a different part of the mall. So off we went back to DBG. Walked to Sunshine Plaza and sent Baby to work (he intro-ed me a nice place named Koi Cafe. They make great bubble tea. Imma go back for the Honey Black Tea =D A little on the expensive side though.. Oh and also, Baby remembered that I didn't like and couldn't tahan the smell of the aromatherapy shop near the NTUC at TPY central, so he made sure to take a different route out of the MRT station - so sweet of him). After that I walked to TPY Entertainment Centre and sat there trying to lure some ppl into giving me stars...Oh well. I got 52'1xx today. So damn close to breaking my timing. Last few turns always giving me the same problems..

Lulz at the smses we were sending while I was gaming and he was working.

After that I headed back to DBG and met Matt-kun, Mr. P, Z31, Shie and Rave. Didn't battle, coz I was kind of drained already. Tried some TA and Jubeat, but really cmi..so I went off early (after hearing that Kor was coming...) and went to Carrefour to buy bread. Came home and now...blogging.

Thanks Baby for making my day.

Pranks in L4D

One of my favourite pranks in L4D is: When the host switches cheats on, I bind keys to spawning tanks and witches, and either 1. crash the server by overspawning, or 2. cause a lot of screaming, cussing and swearing to start in the LAN shop.


Incident #1: My teammate told me that the opposing team would switch cheats on when they played as Infected and spawn tanks to kill us all. Fair enough. So I said that I would spoil the game by binding keys to spawning tanks AND witches, and then I would spawn so many that the host would simply crash.

My teammate also said to set "noclip" on as well. That allowed us to fly out to the destination saferoom. And since tanks can't break down saferoom doors..I just closed the door and spawned as fast as my fingers could spam the keyboard. =D We crashed soon after that.


Incident #2: Guy A is sitting beside me playing VS. I notice that the host switches on the cheats when he needs to. Guy A turns around and comments something to his friend B - and I realised that he's the host. So before I joined the game, I bound my keys once more, and when I could finally join the game, I simply waited till B switched cheats on, and suddenly there were 10 witches and tanks in the distance, with 5 witches spawning nearby. I was insta-incapped, but guy A was just so damn stunned.

B quit the game asap, and then came over. A asked why he spawned so many tanks and witches so fast, and B said that he didn't, and must have been coz they realised that cheats were on and immediately spawned so many.

I was hiccuping with laughter. Srsly damn funny. XD

waatt...

4th place...again!

/facepalm

Either way, I'm grateful to HIM, who came down so early (even though he's a pig, and we all know pigs sleep in on Sundays) to sarpork me. Quite happy that everyone came early too.

First match was against Vertex(1). Swee owh, the 3+1 in the 3rd map of No Mercy! I was so scared I would steal the smoker's one T.T

Well, let's put what happened at Funan behind us.

Indian curry massage - wtf XDDDDDDDDD

Thanks baby for coming to pei me, and for agreeing to sit with me for a while on Saturday as well.

I think I've really improved my personal skills. I will play without flashlight. I will play with higher sensitivity.

~

I'm not gonna emo at what we're discussing right now. I just want to know. Maybe I'll cry later when I go to sleep thinking about all this - because I've never thought of the future before, I've always lived in the present, for the present.

It's hard to talk about such stuff, baby. But after 4 relationships? It's best that I started learning from my mistakes, and start talking.

~

On another note:

M: I was pretty worried, didn't know if I should have not insisted that he played against ILY today =/
L: yea u shulda played...actually, why didnt u play? coz my marshals was telling me since zombie mania that u are the one playing very well consistently in the team

I have to disagree. Very well? I doubt it. =/ Unless you're talking in terms of teamwork, then maybe luh.

I wore him out

True. We've spent 24 hours and 15 minutes together le. Thanks baby >.< Please take care. You always take care of me, and I feel very bad for not taking care of you, which is how it should be.

I'm gonna repeat something from my old blog here:

Things I look for in a guy:

1. He must have the same passions as I do
2. He must not mind that I babble on like a brook about my passions, because I don't know what else I could probably talk to him
3. He must be undeniably charming
4. Cute acts is a must (I don't mean the kawaii kind of cute, more like he does cute things like..well, what EC1 does XD)
5. He must love me for who I am inside. No longer will I be used.
6. Preferably, he should be like a sugar daddy to me. I love to be spoilt XD
7. If number 6 fails, then it doesn't matter. But I would like to treat him (often) well and show him love via gifts and presents (and the occasional hug and kiss)..and I'd like to have him treat me back once in a while and preferably shower me with gifts. Surprises are a must.
8. When I'm crying I don't want him to tell me not to cry. That would make me cry harder. I want his shoulder as my tissue, his arms as a protection.
9. Did I mention he must be cute? This kind of cute is cute looks.
10. I must be able to match his love for me.

I figure #10 is the most important. I could never forgive myself if someone loves me more than I do him...honestly I don't know how that will happen, because it seems I often love my friends more than I love myself.

Love: When someone else's happiness matters more to me than my own.

As quoted.

Emo v2

"just like for you as it was for me, things just happen.
and i quite glad its like this till now, and i plan to have it this way for quite a while de"

My heart is not for sale - but you know how impatient I can get. I don't know how long I can wait - maybe it's up to you to keep me by your side.

I don't know how ANA-mei managed to wait so long, and in the end still face that kind of ultimatum.

I'm emoing because of this - because I don't know how long I have to wait. The uncertainty kills me - I don't know if I should wait solely for you, or are you okay with me going out with other guys as well.

Now I really wonder if I should wear my (Claddagh) ring in this way now. Maybe I should change it, because am I "truly spoken for"?

I don't need an answer from you straightaway, because an answer simply complicates things. And when I see you tomorrow, I hope that I can forget about this (STM, remember?) and that I'll enjoy every moment as it comes.

Because baby, I only know how to count time in moments - the moments I spend with you.

Emo.

Read his blog from last time.

Feeling really emo now. Like what I said..."i just feel sad that you were so sad last time"

I hope that this works out, and that I can make him happy.

I never want to see him sad.

I never want to be the one that hurts him the most.

Maybe that's why it's for the best that we stay as close friends, like what we have right now, without any commitments.

Because I always hurt the ones I love. Which is why I'm fucking scared to go into a relationship. It hurts, it hurts so badly - the fear of falling and losing again makes my legs go weak.

I just don't want to get hurt again, maybe. But it's his first time too, and I want to make it special for him, for both of us. Coz I've never enjoyed myself so much before with a guy - in terms of hanging and chilling together.

I feel special and happy with him. I feel..I feel a lot of emotions that I don't think I'll experience with such intensity with anyone else. I don't know how to put these feelings into words - suffice to say that I don't think I'll feel this way ever again (which is why I blog so much and in detail).

Oh and that I love him for being so accommodating - always coming to find me even though it's so late and stuff, or being like very sua, then we'll just slack around and stuff. I think it's what appeals to me - his sua-ness, and his manner of persuading me and stuff...


I don't want to forget you, but I've got STM. We both got STM.

I just..

*steels herself*

I'm just waiting for you, like I said I would.

Inspired

((One more post before I go to bed))

I feel so inspired after playing with Insig, Nova and uh..can't remember the last guy's name =.=||| We played a draft match, BH against Uniquely.Pinky, En, Pink and one more =.=|||


I really got short term memory sia!

But I really like the way that they are so calm and cool during the whole game.

Highlights:

Map 1: My mistake of not watching for 25. I think this is one of my biggest flaws as survivor. I felt that I could have played better as survivor though, and not have that first 25 that reduced me to half health. As for Infected play, I felt that as boomer I kept calm (I think coz I wasn't too pressured by the guys to quickly spawn - they would tell me what to do beforehand) and I found that I could spawn faster.

Map 2: Haha..my boomer. Someone said to cover the smoker, then I literally walked over. HENG I didn't make it in time (having realised my mistake..) and I ran over to the incapped instead. That was towards the end. At the start of the tank, I think it was really good that I could even spawn behind a pole, and then spray all 4, just nice for the tank to come in. As for playing as survivors, I felt that I could have covered better - especially the one where Insig was incapped on the other side - I totally didn't know who was what at where sia. Coz damn confusing! Ran over to save Econs from being dragged, and thankfully Insig was like "Bruja, turn around and look at me." Okay. No panic. ^.^||| Pistol-ed but couldn't make it, so I ran over to him via the tiny ledge (for those who know me, I'm pretty scared of such stuff, coz I'm scared of falling). Shoved and shot the hunter, and then fell down myself =.= But we all managed to make it, which was..pretty good, I think.

Map 3: My infected play still not as good. I think we misunderstood orders for the 3+1, but overall, I was quite happy that my boomer spawning is getting slightly better. As survivors, I think I understood a bit better how to cover spawn spots to prevent assists for tank.

I didn't play Map 4 and 5.

I really feel inspired to play more with insig they all now, coz they do keep their cool even when hunters or whatever is on them.

yey!

I'm so happy for him, that he has found a job =) I hope he'll succeed at it.

I'm also very happy and touched coz last night after he sent me off at my bus stop (he was taking the bus home), I smsed him saying that I wished he could stay over, because I was really feeling damn emo (see below post - oh and I told him about it, and he was like "see la, last time young so like that.." I think I really love him for his non-judgemental way?)

So like, after I smsed, he didn't reply. Then suddenly after my bathe, he called me and told me he was at the void deck of my block. I was like "WTF." I nearly yelled out loud XD

Then I was like damn stunned la, okay. So in the end...I'm really happy. Thank you, baby. I feel much better now, mentally and physically =)

So like...

...why is he bothering me right now.

NOT HIM, okay..

Just some other guy, whom I believe I must have mentioned once before in this blog (I think =/).

I am not some kind of toy or plaything that is only called upon when needed. It's so insulting to...be thought of in this "perspective" I just felt pissed off - you know, like all the old feelings came back to haunt me.

I am not something that will obey your every whim and wish. You did it to me once, and nothing good came out of it. I didn't enjoy much - you only wanted me to satisfy yourself, your one time thing. And I hate it. I hate you. Go away and forever leave me alone.

I don't mind playing Dota with you, but you use it as an excuse to get your way, to get what you want. No more. I'm not gonna listen to you. If you think I've changed, I think you're right. I'm no longer the naive girl that I once was. At least my needs and desires can all be fulfilled now. So you can leave me alone.

I've not ranted enough. When I got your sms...I just felt so...bad. Like I was thrown back in time back to those days - you weren't the only heartache then, I had my ex to contend with as well.

Leave me alone!

4th place..again

Well, lets face it. We lost to Infected PdM..again. Sigh. Really bad infected play, usually with me having the "UNABLE TO SPAWN" problems again X(

Ah well. More training for Funan's match!

I must be focused on the whole screen. I must be faster!

1st Round - No Mercy

Lost.

I am still too damn slow!

And my area of focus still not good enough.

We didn't cover boomer spots, nor did we shove.

And the little highlight of the day scared me. Seriously.

Oh and she said you were decent and worth the wait, and sincere.

And there was one more thing which I -just- forgot.

Oh wait, I remember le.

En was intro-ing us to a guy (I..er..forgot his name) but he's a staff at Rapture Gaming, doing up articles de. Then she intro me last, saying that my name is "Brujarnesh!" (said so loudly somemore T.T). You could literally see the question marks popping up around the guy's head =X

I think Mag-nesh was laughing like mad. lolx. Then Pink and Jelly also laughed TT.TT

But I think the best part was that he (the guy) thought I was 18 =D

w000tz0r!~

Time...

..is counting down.

about 5 more hours to go. I feel...detached, normal. I wish..I wish that ALW-san was happier..or at least that he would have sounded happier last night when we spoke.

I'm sitting here, watching Yakitate! Japan (what else?). Can't decide what to wear.

*chants* the best tea leaves are at the top, the best tea leaves are at the top

Well

about 18 more hours to go.

My schedule tomorrow:

Wake up
Go for jog
Buy CCF
EAT CCF =X
Meet Zals-didi at Clementi
4.30pm meet up with Jelly
5.30pm Reporting time
6pm Start match
10pm End match

I really hope that he will see this msg in time..maybe after he books out and goes home and switches on his computer, and come and fetch me home after the match. I really miss him.

Or maybe I'll just sms him =/

Ahhhh

L4D - Basically, I don't wanna screw it for VGirls.

Massage - Virgin massage. It felt really good. Thanks, baby, for bringing me. And thanks for being so considerate =) And thanks for the time spent yesterday...you know what I mean =)

Happy ORD-ing, sweet.

~

On another note, I'm glad we're talking again. =)

Green Tea =/