WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DIFFERENT THINGS WHEN YOU KNOW THAT I'M FEELING SO DOWN NOW?

IT'S SO HARD FOR ME TO DIRECTLY TELL YOU ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO TRUST YOU AGAIN, AND ALL YOU COULD JUST REPLY FELT SO COLD.

NOW I FEEL LIKE DYING, WHAT CAN YOU DO?

CABBING DOWN, WOULD IT HELP? I DON'T THINK SO. I WOULD RATHER YOU SAVE YOUR MONEY, BECAUSE I AM NOTHING. EVEN TO MYSELF, I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING, ANYMORE.

DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG?

ATTACK THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM TO SOLVE IT.

MAYBE I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT TO LOVE. NEITHER TO GIVE, NOR TO RECEIVE. OR MAYBE I'M JUST TOO JADED TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE FOR ME, AND I CAN'T RECIPROCATE.

MAYBE IF YOU SCRATCH BENEATH THE SURFACE, YOU'LL KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL.


Advice: scratch harder.

Sweet irony from MSN buddy: There is no restart in life no matter what happens. There will always be somethings that will remind you of the past.

Am I not enough for you?

We missed a chance.

Was it because of the blue, red, purple and gold?

I'd never know.

But I still miss you.

And it breaks my heart to know what you're doing right now.

I Miss You

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.
- Incubus

OMG X(

★MAY@
Class - S7
Title - Unrelenting
Outruns - 3100+
Mileage - 82, 000km+
Current loop - 13th
Ghosts - 900+

Like omg. X(((((( changed my title by accident. Well, I guess the C1 Maya chapter now can be closed. Time to be UNRELENTING!!

Update

★MAY@
Class - S7
Title - C1 Maya
Outruns - 3100+
Mileage - 75, 000km+
Current loop - 11th
Ghosts - 900+

Soon. If I can be bothered to play my ghosts. Soon.

You.

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you...

I did, I do and I will.

L4D peeps gathering

I had a great time with them =D

Decided to bring the corn salad + scallopini white sauce for pasta + fondue. Also decided to bring the Japanese peanut sauce (overkill =/) I made garlic spread the night before, and I'm glad that everyone ate a lot of that =D

We were supposed to meet up at 2pm, but =/ turns out I was the earliest...again =/ XDD I felt like going to the arcade but with the trolley bag...well, too bulky I guess. Plus, I was a bit tired and I didn't want any encounter with the regs there to dampen my day.

So I slacked at Macs till Mag and Pink came along =D lol Mag's hair really stands out XD saw his hair before I even saw them =X

After that, met up with Akira as well, and then headed off to the NTUC to grab the fresh food stuffs.

I think overall we did pretty well =D The food was great (pasta, soup, garlic bread, salad) if a bit too rich/heavy; the fondue could have been better though =/ IDK. The Aalst chocolate was really thick. For the entire box + a handful of the 55% chocolate couverture drops (Phoon Huat), I had to use 2 bars of cocoa butter (Phoon Huat's again) to ensure that it would actually START flowing. I had only 2 bars, else I would have put more. Note to self: Buy a lot of cocoa butter for x'mas party.

There was one part in which everyone stopped Wii-ing and started eating the chocolate. I think it was great =D It was like, heart-warming XD

After that I played Wii (Raving Rabbids)...awesome! I really like the idea of using both hands actively like that. I probably could buy the Wii and use it to work out at home =/

Many thanks to JQ who let me continue playing by going to wash up ^.^" I really appreciated that (my heart also kinda melted XD) he washed all the pieces because what I'd wanted to do was to simply wipe the excess chocolate off and then wash them when I reached home.

After that we cabbed home. I miss him. I really do. We hardly spend a lot of time together now, but I'm also really glad that he's pursuing something he likes. I wouldn't have it any other way =))))


Next big makan session should be at Mr. Paul's =X

Dusty...again

Haven't updated in a long time. I just want to say that recently I think we've been spending lesser and lesser time together but I think we do cherish our time more now. I..don't really know what to do. Kinda living in a limbo where part of me is scared that if I don't see him often, my feelings for him will disappear; and the other part is just enjoying this 'not-really bf-gf' kinda feeling. You know, like, not a lot of commitment like that.

X'mas is coming up. I really MUST lose weight. X( Sigh.

Expectations

Maybe what he (no, not HIM) said is true:

"Don't have too many expectations"

I was slightly more happy back when I didn't know if he wanted us to be a thing, and I treated him like a friend that I really liked a lot, and only had friendship expectations of him.

I must not expect too much X( Why does it hurt when I even think of that sentence?

Realization

I just realized that ever since that day, I've stopped using those endearing words like 'dear, darling, sweet" in my texts to him.

And to think just a few days before that, he was remarking about me using such words more regularly in my texts, to which I replied saying that it was because I wanted to feel more comfortable with such words before saying them out loud.

I really don't know how I can..fully trust him again? Even when I text him, I fall into the rhythm of typing those words out, and then I stop myself and tell myself "you said you'd make it hard for this one, why are you so trusting again after he hurt you?"..and then I press the Clear button and delete the words.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm not meant to love.

Maybe this is just another interval in my life. A long second, to know what it means to truly like someone and have that someone like you..straight from the start.

~

Yes, I'm emoing badly right now. He said something about Wangan that stung, and now..cleavage. Not that I feel I lack in that department - I just..=/

Suddenly I feel terrible. Good thing I pulled off the lashes already.