"I loved you" - Note the past tense. I didn't want to say anything else for fear of creating awkwardness in a conversation that was going well.
I dunno if he (EC) knows that I still do. Even after so long, there's probably still a spark of hope in me that maybe one day.... *shakes head* argh. I doubt it. He doesn't like me THAT way.
We've been chatting steadily from like 1am till 4am now. It's easy to talk to him. IDK why. Maybe it's because of our long friendship that's why it's so easy to talk about ourselves and the games etc etc. It flows smoothly too.
Maybe he's holding back because to him, I'm multifaceted. I don't blame him for that; I don't want to hurt him because I am so different in so many ways. Maybe I'm not his type - that kind of rejection I can understand but...if it was because of another reason, I'd just want to know..to..better myself as a whole, I guess.
I need to be brought down a peg or two, either way. *bitter laugh*
But why? I understand that he doesn't want to be hurt either.
I just realised that I'm being the selfish one here (hur hur hur, even though I'll be selling buns, cookies, cakes and waffles...) by imposing my feelings on him to gain physical affection and stuff. Sigh. I've become that evil.
M: i'm scared to love because i realise in the end, i always hurt those people that i love . do you think so?
EC: hmm i nt sure...i was not loved by u b4
M: i loved you once,...
If only I could love him freely, openly.
