Finally done with the BBQ I'd been planning for over 2 years. yes, 2 years.
Either way, just a very very big thank you to everyone who came - represented the different parts of my life.
At the end of it, when he sent me home (thanks to my jiemei for advising me to let him send me home), and after he left..IDK..
J: "...you happy can le"
M: "I don't know whether to hate you or to love you for that"
I think it's because I haven't been dependent on anyone to ensure my happiness in a long time - not even with Rusco (TBH, I wasn't sure if I was truly happy with him). It scares me a little that my happiness can make someone happy, in a bizzare way, at least.
Either way, it makes me pretty scared, that..my own happiness is..no longer ensured by myself. I guess, it's a mark of freedom (*thinks back to the conversation she had with Ren on the trip to get dry ice*) that I've enjoyed; like, I'm responsible for my own happiness, but no longer...
*smiles faintly*
well.
Watching Titanic now. They just hit the iceberg.
