...angry at herself for leaving her heart so open. What is love? How can one so jaded, so weary know love again? But he..he showed her what love was, and slowly she opened her heart, hoping..hoping to love again. And then he plunged the dagger into her heart, and it was so painful, so very painful. A fresh scar to join the many other scabbed-over ones. Will she love again? Can she bear to open her heart again? Yet she knows she will, because she is stupid and crazy...And people do crazy things when they are in love."

~

"I didn't want to discuss this on the bus because I was scared that if you became emotional, you would run blindly across the road or something and get knocked down"

and a lot of other stuff.

Experiments.

Love.

"I hate you. Go away"

"I'm on my knees..and I'll stay here till you're okay"

~

"I know you're tired.."

If you know I'm tired, why did you insist on taking the bus all the way to the last stop and then taking the long route to my house?

~

"I don't know when I want to see you again."

"I understand."
...
...
...
"When can I see you again?"

"Whenever you feel like it, okay?....I'm here for you."

~

A lot of tears were shed. And words.

~

Grinding my teeth so hard now when I'm talking to him on MSN. Hurts, but the pain reminds me that I'm still alive.

6th month anniversary. I gave him a shirt and a bag. And, I was subjected to...kindly put, a test of endurance.

I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to say.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. And when I mean long..

When I heard him laugh while he was telling me he had it planned all the while, my heart shattered, and for a moment, I felt thrust back in time, when Greenapples and Rusco had hurt me. The two combined into a haze of red and black agony, and his laughter hurt me so badly, I wanted to go home and just..lie down..and maybe die.

I haven't felt so hurt, so pained in a very long time.

Maybe because I opened my heart to him, and the blow was so unexpected.

~

Fires to flames
Dust to ash
Everyone will burn like a pile of trash
But from these ashes
New life grows
And for this new life
A single red rose.